Thursday, March 24, 2011


The Vortex

"We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes.  It is a matter of personal choice.  Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow, we will become what we choose today.  To change means to choose to change."

John Maxwell

So what will it be?  Will I continue to be a victim of my loneliness?  Or can I find the courage to reach out of this void into the fullness of life?
 I do not know the answer.  I have been trying for so many years with little success.  It sometimes seems hopeless.  The physical problems exacerbate the mental problems.  The mental problems worsen the physical.  It is like living in a vortex, going farther and farther into its vacuum.  I get weary dealing with all the personal problems.  There are too many.  It does not seem fair.  But, the one thing I know for sure, life is not fair.  It is random.  Randomness permeates all our lives.  It has nothing to do with being "punished".  I do not believe in a punishing God.  I believe that mankind has caused a lot of its own destruction by the choices that have been made throughout the centuries.  We have polluted our air, our water.  We are destroying the earth by raping nature.  Animals go extinct.  Rain forests are mauled down.  Most people walk around in a daze not even realizing their contribution to all of this destruction.  We are killing ourselves.  All the drugs, chemicals, poisons that are being used in the world are probably the cause of all the illnesses we acquire.  These are the choices mankind continues to make.  It is tragic.   Again, I repeat...It all seems hopeless. 


  1. Sweetie, I am checking out your blog. It just breaks my heart. Loneliness and depression are the iron weights of our world, are they not?
    As a Christian, when I walk through the black, frightening valleys and shadows, the only thing I do know, remember, and NEVER for get is that Jesus promised me He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. When the dark is 10 deeper shades of black, that is the only thing I hold on to. He gives me strength in the pain. His Holy Spirit is my comforter. He is my Rock and I cling to Him like a big ol' starfish!!!! =0)
    "menancy" Nancy, yes? If and your daughter will be in my prayers Nancy. Bright and luminous blessings from God to you, my dear!!!! Tonya Willman...

  2. Thank you very much for your prayers and blessings. While I do have "faith", at times I feel it has been weakened by my circumstances and my daughters circumstances. But, I know it is still there; it is what keeps me alive; it is what keeps me writing and going to groups and playing hand bells, and trying to make my life better.

    I look forward to following your blog and going through your past posts! I consider it a blessing the I came upon it through a face book friend. God does work in mysterious ways! Bless you!!