Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Man in the Glass by Peter "Dale" Wimbrow (C) 1934

The man or woman in the glass...

What is your reflection?

The Man in the Glass by Peter “Dale” Wimbrow © 1934

I was rummaging around in one of my many collections of ‘stuff’ and came across this poem.  I thought it was worth sharing.  I did not realize back in 1989 when I found this poem, that there were two versions.  Either one is wonderful.  The original version, "The Guy in the Glass" can be viewed at the link above, just click on the title.  The only difference is a few words…the first being ‘pelf’ instead of ‘self’.  Pelf means money or riches.  I found this to be very interesting.  To compare the ‘self’ to ‘pelf’…indeed the ‘self’ can either be poor or rich, depending on how we choose to live our lives.  This is just a thought to stir your imagination.

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife,
Who judgment upon you must pass;
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest.
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed the most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years.
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be the heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

Well is not that just a wonderful thought!!!! (sarcasm duly noted)
Chaos at Orion...NASA PHOTO
 Chaos in my mind!  If only it were that beautiful!

Anyway, I joined an online book club.  Okay, so it is online.  However it is still contact with the 'outer world'.  We are reading a book titled "The Help".  Within the first few pages something truly grabbed my attention.  So, of course I 'bookmarked and highlighted' the section on my Nook. (A hated but necessary gadget for me...I can enlarge the text!)  The woman in the book had been through some terrible pains in her life.  The last one was too much to bear.  This is the quote, "I seen something in me had changed.  A bitter seed was planted inside a me.  And I just didn't feel so accepting anymore."
Oh my goodness.  Can I relate.  While I try to fight this 'bitterness' with all that is inside of me, sometimes I feel it there, controlling my thoughts and some of my actions.  It is not evil.  It is a 'test'.  I remember the events that led up to this 'bitter seed' being planted in me.  Events I have yet to let go.  Sometimes life can be overwhelmingly painful and in spite of ones faith, an attitude of not feeling accepting of other people can become a part of the self.  In my opinion, everyone handles this differently.  Some people express it through anger.  But, me...I express it by becoming isolated and depressed and lonely.  Which is worse?  For me, anger is worse because you have the potential to hurt other people.  Believe me, I do not get ANY satisfaction from hurting others.  That is one reason why certain people are no longer in my life.  Just because THEY hurt ME to the core, is no excuse for me to take REVENGE upon them.  In my opinion, sometimes this is the only way to deal with people who have inflicted their wrath upon you.  You forgive them and move on with your life.  You do not have to continue to subject yourself to their abuse.  Probably, all it would take for them to again be a part of my life is a simple, "I'm sorry".   I feel shunned by them because they will not reach out.  With all the history I have with these people, it is THEIR turn to reach out.  Their silence speaks volumes and it is saying to me that I am not important enough for them to extend their hand.   BUT, even if they somehow found the EMPATHY to apologize, they would be a part of my life in a different way.  It would never be the same as before...I do not think I could allow myself to ever truly trust them again.  My faith commands forgiveness.  But it does not command tolerating abuse.  Maybe I am wrong.  Maybe one day I will view all of this differently.  Not now.  Not yet.

Bitter seed, oh, bitter seed,
Please don't turn my life into a bitter weed.

I am not very good at 'weeding'.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Holy Thursday's Service

I do not have the words to describe it.  Beautiful yet haunting.  I sat there in tears as the choir sang the last song.  It was moving.  So, I let my "tears water my soul".

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The Easter Triduum


Today begins an important time in my religion...The Triduum. The term Triduum means three days. 
The three days are counted as the Hebrews counted their days, from dusk to dusk. Therefore, the three days of the Easter Triduum are from dusk on Holy Thursday to dusk on Good Friday (day one), dusk on Good Friday to dusk on Holy Saturday (day two), and dusk on Holy Saturday to dusk on Easter Sunday (day three). Each of those days "tells" a different part of the story of Jesus' saving action. On Holy Thursday we remember the Last Supper. Jesus gives us the Eucharist and tells us to "Do this in memory of me." He then washes the feet of the apostles. On Good Friday we remember the passion and death of Jesus. We celebrate the resurrection of Christ either at the Easter Vigil on Saturday night when new members are baptized and welcomed into our Catholic community or on Easter Sunday morning.
We look at the Easter Triduum as one single celebration that lasts for three days. We cannot separate the death of Jesus from his resurrection. We do not spend all of the three days in church, but at various times during those days, we are called to church to gather and remember together. When we are not in church, we are asked to keep the spirit of those days even in our homes, if possible. Those days are not days of "business as usual."

Many people are under the impression that Lent ends with Easter Sunday, but Lent really ends at dusk on Holy Thursday. Our forty-day preparation for celebrating a good Easter is complete on Thursday; our time is up. All regular masses in a parish are suspended to allow for only one mass, the mass of the Last Supper held always on Thursday evening. There are no daytime masses held anywhere in the Catholic world, only the evening mass which begins the Triduum celebration.

Because the procession of Holy Thursday is the procession for a three-day celebration, it is larger and more encompassing than the procession of a regular Sunday mass. One part of the procession exclusive to Holy Thursday is the procession of the holy oils. The oils used in the parish throughout the year are received at the Chrism Mass, a special mass held once a year at the cathedral and presided over by the bishop. All the oil used in the entire diocese is blessed and presented to each parish at that time.

The sacred Scripture which we hear this night reminds us of the first Passover meal of the Israelites as they prepare for their journey out of slavery in Egypt. We then hear of the institution of the Eucharist by Christ and his admonition of "Do this, in remembrance of me." And then we have the wonderful example of the service to which we all are called when Jesus, who is Lord and master, takes a basin of water and a towel and washes the feet of his apostles ending with the words, "What I just did was to give you an example: as I have done, so you must do." Christ saves us from the slavery of sin, the Eucharist nourishes and strengthens us so that we can serve our brothers and sisters. In order to reinforce this important teaching of Jesus, the presider of the mass washes the feet of members of the parish family.

The mass continues; we receive the Eucharist and the final blessing. The Blessed Sacrament is then taken to the chapel to rest there; the sanctuary is cleared, and we are invited to stay and vigil with the Blessed Sacrament until midnight, if we so desire. There is no procession to end this mass because the celebration does not end. The prayer continues in our homes until we are called together again on Good Friday to remember the next part of the story of our salvation.

Something which has always set Good Friday apart is that it is a day of fast and abstinence. Because we are asked to fast on Good Friday, we often think of this day as part of Lent. But remember that Lent ended at dusk on Thursday. The fast of Good Friday is not the Lenten fast of discipline and repentance. It is the excited, nervous fasting of anticipation. We might all have experienced this type of fast before a wedding (a happy time) or before a wake or funeral (a sad time). At these times food is not important to us. On Friday we remember that something monumental happened. We remember that someone died so that we might live - not just someone, but God.

We begin the service in silence with no procession. There is no need to process. This service does not stand alone; it is a continuation of what began on Holy Thursday. The priest kneels or more often prostrates himself as a sign of utter humility before God. During the Liturgy of the Word, the Passion of Christ is proclaimed. We listen and remember how Jesus suffered and died for our sins. After the Passion we are reminded that there are many people in the world who need our prayers, and so in our role as priestly people we pray a more lengthy and elaborate form of the General Intercessions.

Then a cross, the symbol of our salvation, is brought forward for us to venerate. The veneration of the cross is a practice unique to Good Friday. It is our opportunity to humble ourselves before the awesome saving action of Christ. We approach the cross and acknowledge its power in a number of ways. We can genuflect before the cross, kiss it, kneel before it, touch it with our hand, or stand before it and say a short prayer. The method we choose to show our respect is our own choice. After veneration we participate in a simple reception of the Eucharist and then leave church again in silence to continue our prayer and fasting at home and to return on Saturday evening for the Easter Vigil.

The Easter Triduum begins with the mass of the Lord's Supper on Holy Thursday; it reaches its high point in the Easter Vigil, celebrated on Saturday night. This celebration is a long one; we have a lot to do this evening. We proclaim with fire and song that Christ is risen. We listen to the Scripture stories of God's interaction with humankind from creation through to the resurrection.

We baptize those desiring to be Catholic and confirm and give Eucharist to those seeking full membership in the Catholic Church. Then we are strengthened with the spiritual food of Christ's body and blood.

Because we have a lot to do this evening, we need time to do it well. Some people think of the celebration of the Easter Vigil as just another mass, but one that is longer than a Sunday mass. This is not true. There are things we do at the Easter Vigil that we do at no other time in the church year. The most significant of these is the welcoming of new members into our Church and our parish. They have been studying and learning about what it means to be Catholic for a year, and now it is time for them to become one of us. We hear more of Holy Scripture proclaimed on this night because our salvation history is a long story dating back to the creation of the world. We build a large fire outside to remind us that Jesus is our light in the darkness, and after lighting the new Easter candle from this first fire, we process it into the darkened church and hear of Christ's resurrection. We need time to do all of these things well.
A vigil is a watch kept for an extended period of time. In our daily lives we might keep vigil as we wait by the telephone or in a hospital waiting room for news. We cannot rush a vigil; it must take as long as it takes. The same is true of the Easter Vigil on Saturday night. As masses go, it is considerably longer than a Sunday mass. As vigils go, it is relatively short.

So this is the focus of our week as Catholics.  It is a holy, serene time for me.  As a member of the Hand Bell Choir...I will participate in all the services.  To be there and experience is inexplicable.

@some of the information in this post is quoted from Nativity Catholic Church

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter filled with many blessing and the love of family and Christ.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Well, the phone delivery was made yesterday evening.  I was so anxious before that I had to call my therapist for support.  She wanted to know how I felt about giving her another phone.  I told her I felt good about it, because I did not want our daughter to be without any way to contact someone if she needed help.  And besides, when we made this "agreement" with our daughter, we said we would provide a cell phone.  So there, short and to the point, was my answer.  IT IS OKAY TO GIVE HER THE PHONE.  She said, "You do it because it makes you feel better.  You do it because it gives you peace."  So how wrong can it be.  All in all, I think it went well.  I helped her learn the basic functions, because it is one of those 'new fangled gadgets'.  (Did I just make up that word 'fangled'...cannot find it in my electronic dictionary).  In fact, her first words when she saw it were, "It's one of those touch screen phones...I don't know if I can figure it out."  I ended up staying on the porch with her for probably about forty minutes.  It was a relief to see her after almost a year.  She looked okay.  She did not look happy, but I think there is a LOT for which she has to be that was not a surprise.


UNTIL...I went to group.  It is very difficult to go there.  But, I think it is a way to get out of the house.  Hey, it is a way to get me into something other than my 'hanging around the house' clothes.  It forces me to move.  There...positive affirmations about the group!!   I am trying.  I should at least get an 'A' for effort...or a sticker...or a gold star...or something!!! "ANYONE, ANYONE....BUELLER, Ferris, are you there?"

Monday, April 18, 2011


Well, I suppose my husband and I have totally screwed up the "tough love" routine.  When we realized that our daughter's only contact with the 'outside' world (HER BOYFRIEND'S CELL PHONE) was probably going to be cut off, we went to our phone carrier, changed our plan and purchased her a NEW phone.  I do not know if this is a mistake or not.  I do not think I care.  The thought of her totally stranded in an apartment without a car, without a phone, was just too much to comprehend.  So, finally after months of no contact, I had a response from an email (not a very appreciative one, I might add), and a few text messages...short and to the point.  But, hey, it is CONTACT.  No, my hopes are not up.  She will most likely just take the phone and walk away.  I imagine we did this for our peace of mind...  Just in case she might ever need us...just in case she might ever decide to ask us for help...??????


Thursday, April 14, 2011


How is it possible to awaken in the morning and the first thoughts flooding your mind are self-loathing, guilt, and self-hate?  Everyone keeps assuring us that "tough love" is what our daughter needs at this point in her life.  However, as a mother, I am obsessed with wondering if she is okay, wondering if she has food to eat, wondering if she has her medication, just wondering about her in general.  I think possibly that 'wondering' is the incorrect word.  More aptly put, it would be worried...worried, fearful, upset, concerned...I could go on, but honestly, no words can accurately describe what is happening in my heart, in my soul.  I do not know what to do.  Should I try to reach out to her, only to be 'slapped in the face again'?  No, she did not literally slap me in the face.  But, she was verbally abusive.  Words do hurt.   I would have rather been slapped.  Physical pain can be dealt with much easier than mental anguish.  At least, that is my opinion.

I do not know.  I feel like I am losing my mind.  I can barely function.  Please, just give my mind some peace, some relief.     Where did it all go wrong?  How did it all go wrong?  Again, everyone keeps saying this is 'her path', 'her choices', her this, her that...sometimes that makes it even know that she is choosing to 'hate' us.   I do not understand.  We made mistakes like all other parents.  But they were not so monumental that we deserve the treatment we are receiving.  She was never deprived of love or food or anything.  We took care of her for 28 years.  One person says she resents us for having to depend on us for so long and now the dependence has turned into entitlement.  I just keep wondering why.  I cannot get this out of my mind.  Sometimes, I even wonder why I exist any longer.  I wonder how I continue without this part of my soul in my life.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

" They're Back "

 In the real world the title of this blog would be a line from the movie "Poltergeist".  If you saw the movie, it is when the "evil" poltergeist return to the television and are calling to the little girl to return to the "other" world.  But here, in my world and in this blog, I am talking about the two things that seem to plague me the most in life:  Depression and Loneliness.  I went to my women's group today.  While I was there, it seemed okay.  I may have even made them laugh a few times.  Ah yes, I can be the comic relief.  But when I come home and am left drowning in my despair, I wonder what is the use of it all.  I am not sure it is a good fit.  I have only been twice so I should not be so quick to decide if it is right or wrong for me.  I can empathize with these ladies and they are suffering tremendously, as am I, in many similar ways.  Well, I just talked myself into returning next week!!  I just realized that maybe God has put me there for a reason.  Maybe, I can help them in some way or fashion.  That is really what I help because it is the RIGHT thing to do.  Then perhaps, just maybe, it will lead to me feeling needed by someone in the human race, which would help my depression and loneliness (The Circle of Life).  Is not this the purpose of our help others with their disabilities, pain, and suffering?  As fellow travelers on our journey Home, I do believe that is one of the most important things we as Christians can do.  Many times the Lord works THROUGH US because that is where He resides.  We are His home.  We are the vessel He uses here on earth to reach others and to help them know Him.  I have to believe that this is what He is asking of me.  At this time in my life, I need to be His helper.

Monday, April 11, 2011


True friends are hard to find.  If you have one or two in your lifetime you are blessed.  I am not speaking of acquaintances.  I am referring to the friend  whom you can tell almost anything and you will not be judged in any way, shape, or form.  The word 'weird' does not enter their mind.  When you are with this friend your burdens seem lighter, life seems a little brighter.  (ha, a poet and didn' know it!!)  We are not 'made' to be alone.  We are social beings.  We are here on this earth as fellow travellers, fellow believers.  Helping each other is what will make the world a better place.  So, thank you my friend.  You are truly a blessing.  

But, close friends are not the only blessings.  Anyone that is a part of your journey here on earth has to be considered a blessing.  Those strangers that smile and say 'hello'; the people that comment on your blog; anyone that bestows kindness to you must be considered a blessing.  Because the smallest effort made to show a kindness can fashion another's day into a designers dream! 

"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean." ~~Ryunosuke Satoro

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Open Door

The Open Door

When you are searching for an open door, you will find one.  For a while now, I have been searching for a new 'world'; a new place to find solace.  I have been led to several blogs which have touched my soul.  Blogs that have taught me that I am not alone in the sufferings of this world.  Pain is universal.  Everyone on this earth will one day have pain enter their life.  For some of us, it starts at a very young age.  For others, it comes later in life, when you least expect it.  But, it comes.  As I have said before, somewhere in this blog, it all has to do with how we handle it.  It has to do with faith and friends and family (if you have it).  We can all learn from each other.  What a blessing this find fellow travellers with wonderful insights and thoughts on how to deal with our experiences.  Thank you all for your wisdom.  May God Bless each and every one of you.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Would I Take Away the Pain I Have Endured?

No, I would not take away all the pain and all sorrow.  That is what helped "water my soul" and made it flourish...even though I still sometimes live in a drought.  One day is a bud, the next a blossom, the next petals dropping off...a dying, if you will of an "experience".  But this is a part of life, a part of nature and life is a connection to nature.   It is God's Creations all intertwined like a "tapestry".   We are all a work in progress.  Unique in our design.  When our time on the earth is over, we exit as an unfinished "tapestry", with all its human mistakes.

Her Way or The Highway

I cannot stop thinking about her.  I am afraid for her.  Is it an illness or is it something totally different.  Something for which I have no words.  Everyone says "tough love" is the solution.  Let me tell you what "tough love" means to me.  First, there are the nightmares that make you wake up crying.  Let us talk about the guilt of feeling you have abandoned a part of your soul.  Then there is the fear of not knowing what will happen if she would get evicted from her apartment.  And then by gosh, there is the PAIN of loving someone so much and not wanting them to suffer.  The futlileness of being alive without them in your life.  But, that leads us to CHOICES.  This is the path she has chosen.  We have given and offered so many times to help.  We can no longer keep up the offers.  Not when she will not budge an inch.  Not when the word "compromise" is not in her vocabulary.  Relationships are two way streets.  Not a 'one way' highway where she is the "eighteen wheeler" barrelling down the highway ready to run over and destroy the very people trying to help her.  How did this happen?  When did she change?  Why did she change so suddenly?  Is it because of all that happened to her--her past haunting her?  Is it the dreaded Huntington's disease?  I need answers.  Please GOD, give me answers.  Maybe I will not like what I hear...but it would be much better than the silence I am living in right now.  The silence is deafening.  The silence is cruel.  Please, please I need answers.  Let me know what is the best path to take for everyone concerned.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Past

"We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it.
Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness.  Tear out arrogance and seed humility.
Exchange love for hate thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising."--Maya Angelou

This is my thought for today. 

Last evening, I was angered by someone.  But instead of arguing, I chose to go for a ride.  I looked for the beauty surrounding me.  I saw the flowers, the trees, and the sunset.  I passed by an old friend's house.  I passed by a new friend's house.  And even though I did not stop to visit, I knew they were there for me if I needed them.   What a blessing!

And today, instead of feeling bitter and angry toward that person, I feel at peace with myself.

Thank you God for your wisdom!