TO MY FORMER Esteemed ‘TEACHER’

From:  Most of us...

If you decided to come to this link and are reading this, you will know that this particular post is for you, my former, esteemed ‘teacher’.  I have been in much turmoil about the way my ‘classes’ with you ended.  It was not the healthy way to ‘drop out of school’, but it was the only way I could walk away without breaking. 

My decision to let you see this link was difficult, but I felt you deserved an explanation for my actions.  After all, I took many ‘classes’ from you and for many years I thrived under your ‘tutelage’. For that I am eternally grateful.  My ‘grades’ were not always the best, but I tried very hard to excel in your ‘class’.  I think you would agree with that statement.

In my last ‘class’ I realized that you did not want to be a ‘teacher’ to me any longer.  Realistically, I have known this for quite some time and should have accepted your limitations instead of trying to change them. I was unable to face the reality of the situation.  Soon after I left the ‘last class’, I knew that I would never return.  I knew that I was ‘failing’ and could not do any ‘make-up work’ to better my ‘grade’.  I also became aware that I could no longer sit in your ‘class’ and watch the kind of ‘teacher’ you had become.  It was heart breaking to see the immense changes you made in your method of ‘teaching your class’, or at least the ‘class’ I attended.   Of course, it could have been only my perceptions.  I do know that sometimes my perceptions can be skewed.  But in this case, I think they were correct.  The words you kept emitting did not match your ‘course description’ in the ‘syllabus’ when I first began your ‘class’.   Your enthusiasm for ‘teaching’ became more and more diminished in the ‘class’.    Maybe there was nothing left for you to ‘teach’ me.  Perhaps I became unteachable.   My perception was that you were just biding your time waiting for me to ‘drop out’, find another ‘class’, and learn from a different ‘teacher’.  If I was wrong, then I hope you will accept my apology. 

This is where my broken wings have taken me.  This blog, along with face book has become my nesting ground until I can learn to fly…if I ever do.  This has become the rope keeping me from falling out of my nest and landing at the bottom of the cliff.  I am trying to learn from a different ‘teacher’.  It is not easy for me.  I am sad, confused and disappointed. I feel very alone without connection.   Change is very difficult for me.  Life is not treating me well.  I keep discovering new health problems, the latest being my heart.  It is a problem with the electrical pathways.  They are trying to treat it with medication.  My family problems have not changed.  If you can imagine, they seem to be getting worse.  But, that is not something I need to discuss at this moment. I am tempted to remove the previous statements but will leave them in none the less. The main objective of this is to explain why I ‘dropped out’ so suddenly, without a word, without a warning.  For my peace of mind, I need to apologize. It is the only way for me to get closure.  But, I also need to convey to you that we were both responsible for this outcome.  I realize that even though for many years you were a great ‘teacher’, you are a mere mortal as am I, with all the same shortcomings, feelings and emotions as the rest of us.   I wanted you to be a friend; I thought we were friends.  This was a false assumption on my behalf.  “Assumptions are the termites of relationships”—Henry Winkler.  I like this saying.  But there is one more thought that describes this situation:  “Relationships based on obligation lack dignity”—Wayne Dyer.  I hereby free us from any obligations. If by chance my actions caused any stress for you I am deeply sorry.  I want to thank you for all the knowledge you shared with me over the years. Believe it or not, some of it did sink in!  I did learn a few things.  But I am sure you have not forgotten the stubborn streak that runs through this brain, the pathways that have been wired together for a very long time that loop around over and over.  I do hope that none of your future ‘students’ repeat my actions.   I hope your future ‘classes’ are successful and lead to much satisfaction for you professionally and personally.  I will always remember you fondly and that in the beginning of our ‘studies’ together, you were a very wise ‘teacher’.

Your Former Student,

Bidding You Adieu